So this grasshopper walks into a bar and the barman says,

“We’ve got a drink named after you”

And the grasshopper replies, “What? Kevin?”

Bakerpet

Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are forced to share a private jet in order to arrive in time for the ceremony.

Once up in the air, Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says "I’m going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make someone down below very happy."

Not to be outdone, Britney ripped $1000 bill in half and threw it out the window, saying, "Look, I just made two people really happy."

Not even noticing Britney’s stupid move, Christina bragged, "Look, I’m going to throw 1000 $1 bills and make a lot more people a little happier." At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can’t stand it anymore, comes out and says, "I think I’ll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 250 million people happy.

Tim

Q. What is a Country song played backwards?

A. Your wife gets back with you, your dog comes back to life, your car starts, you get your job back and life is great!

Q. What do you call a blonde skeleton in a clothes closet?

A. The 1960 hide-and-go-seek champion.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

Rita Rudner